# How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

67 Hacker News commenters recommended How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie and 25 criticized it, November 2025 to November 2026. It was recommended in 11 of 13 months. It meets the Hacker Approved badge rule.

**Verdict:** People recommend it as practical advice for making friends and handling social situations, especially for shy readers. Critics say the title and tone sound manipulative.

## Why people recommend it

- Practical advice for social situations (3 comments): "It was like a manual on how to handle myself in social situations, a thing that was mysterious and frustrating to me before." ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=48013036)) "the advice is timeless and eye opening if you don't have natural knack for dealing with people" ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=49481422)) "this was incredibly helpful because little pieces of advise really do work" ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=50104155))
- Helped shy or awkward readers (4 comments): "My father gave me this book when I was 12 or 13. It unlocked everything, sort of permission for my teen self to put himself out there." ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=48009361)) "I never became Mr. Popular but found it very helpful in trying to understand somethings that were unobtainable for me at the time." ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=48017157)) "I was given this book as a shy kid. I've read it multiple times. It really should be titled, "How To be a Decent Human"." ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=48010091))
- Teaches genuine care and honesty (5 comments): "his philosophy is firmly based on genuine good faith and delivering disproportionally high value to the people you interact with" ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=48592138)) "HTWFAIP is about building authentic, mutually beneficial relationships with people, not shining them on." ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=48578945)) "It was less sleazy than I expected from the title. It actually had a lot of points about being genuine" ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=45957985))
- Lasting value over many years (2 comments): "Nothing magical in it, but quite useful, and for somebody as young as you are it could have a big impact over the lifetime." ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=46430647)) "In that light, it was fantastic. Almost 30 years later, I still quote from it." ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=48009340))

## What people warn about

- Manipulative, transactional tone (3 comments): "the title and parts of the book suggest reducing human connections to utility and personal gain" ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=48016215)) "the core of the book is all about getting people to say yes and do things you want them to do" ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=48021359)) "The whole book is centred aruond an underlying desire to gain something from someone." ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=48071860))
- Insincere or sycophantic tone (3 comments): "I got a real sociopathic vibe from many of the points and especially how the author was talking about them." ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=45958011)) "They come across as un-authentic and sycophantic. It's a book that is popular for all the wrong reasons" ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=50288630)) "It is a dated, salesy, conflict-averse (to the point of dishonesty) way of communicating." ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=48581680))
- Dated in gender and style (2 comments): "It dated considerably, considering how women are way independent nowadays, even if at the time it was relevant." ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=48016092)) "forcefully makes the language of the book gender neutral and politically correct" ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=48013690))
- Can feel unhealthy or manipulative in practice (2 comments): "this book has a shadow side, and that that shadow side can manifest even if the book warns against it" ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=50291193)) "I used to be a big fan of HtWFaIP, but eventually I realized it's not healthy." ([source](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=48013122))

## Alternatives hackers recommend

- [Atomic Habits by James Clear](https://hackerapproved.com/p/atomic-habits.md): 20 recommend
- [The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr](https://hackerapproved.com/p/easy-way-to-stop-smoking.md): 9 recommend
- [Feeling Good by David Burns](https://hackerapproved.com/p/feeling-good.md): 8 recommend
- [The Art of Money Getting by P.T. Barnum](https://hackerapproved.com/p/art-of-money-getting.md): 8 recommend
- [The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle](https://hackerapproved.com/p/power-of-now.md): 7 recommend

## Where to get it

- [See price on Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982171472?tag=hackerapprove-20) (affiliate link)
- [Bookshop.org](https://bookshop.org/a/130825/9781982171476) (affiliate link)

## Cite as

Hacker Approved, "How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie", https://hackerapproved.com/p/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people/ (counts from 1,795,640 Hacker News comments, November 2025 to November 2026).